


with me (on me)

by theflyjar



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (but not really), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confusion, Drunk Sex, Infidelity, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mistaken Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 14:17:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12937044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyjar/pseuds/theflyjar
Summary: Yifan thinks he cheated on Yixing.(He didn't.)





	with me (on me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatgoodgood (reloadeds)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reloadeds/gifts).



Alcohol and Yifan didn't mix well. He had known that from the first time he'd drunk at eighteen, waking to a headache and the taste of vomit in his mouth. He rarely let himself have more than three drinks at house-parties, even less at bars, and maybe a few more if he was drinking them at home.

But it was a post-season party with his basketball team after winning a final. It wasn't the usual set up. It was an open bar, it was a cluster of familiar faces and the ambient mood of success and satisfaction. He was topped up on whisky, vodka and beer, all of it seeping into his bloodstream and clouding his mind.

With his eighth drink down, Yifan felt a hand on his thigh and turned his head. He was blindsided by beauty once his eyes had slowly slipped more into focus, taking in brown hair above eyes full of delight and a smile worth far more than its weight in gold.

He knew he was doomed before they even left the bar together.

 

///\\\\\

 

Yifan felt weight shift beside him and it stirred him from the edge of lucidity, he curled away from it and into his duvet. The person stood up from the mattress and Yifan could hear clothes being pulled on, the rustling too familiar to be anything else. And his eyes flew open. His heart stopped. He broke out into a cold sweat. He should have been alone in his bed, nursing his hangover and calling up his boyfriend, who was halfway across the country, to whine about how all his alcohol related pain was self inflicted. Then to videocall his boyfriend and see a messy mop of black hair and drowsy eyes that were almost always accompanied by an equally sleepy smile.

There should not have been anybody else under the sheets with him. There shouldn't have even been somebody else in his apartment. He shut his eyes, tried to breathe evenly and pretended to sleep. He could feel guilt curl up in his stomach and his nose tingled as tears welled up behind his closed eyes. He waited, biting the insides of his cheeks until the person in his bedroom made their way out. He stayed silent, listening out for them leaving through the front door and finally let out a gentle sob.

Not wanting to get ahead of himself, Yifan lifted the duvet away from his body, hoping to find himself wearing something. At the sight of his own naked body, nausea hit him full force. He stood up, stumbling with a heavy head and gagging on nothing when Yifan spied a used condom in the general vicinity of his rubbish bin.

He found his way to his bathroom and leant over his wash basin, splashing cold water on his face and looking down at his body. There was the clear sign of dried cum on his stomach, splattered up it and towards his chest. He cupped his hand under the water and instantly threw it at his torso. Then, using his nail brush, began to scrub at himself. He tried his hardest to do it, putting an earnest effort into it, until he couldn't see his own body through his tears anymore.

He rinsed himself off quickly in the shower, one hand stuck to his mouth as it covered the gentle sobs, and retreating back into his bedroom only made things hurt more.

Flashes of the night before followed him in every step he took.

 

///\\\\\

 

Hands rushed over Yifan's body as they stripped him bare, his own excitedly running trails over the clothed one in front of him, and he stumbled into his closed bedroom door as the person in front of him dropped down to their knees. He didn't even wait to thread his fingers in their hair, relishing in how oddly familiar the feeling was for only a second, and the other didn't pause before teasing at his member with their tongue.

Yifan let out a short giggle as fingers brushed up his ribs, shuddering when the mouth on his cock also let out a breathy laugh. Within a moment, the sound was replaced by a moan, his member was drawn into the man’s mouth with a slight drag of teeth against it. He felt his cock twitch at the sensation. He was enraptured as the man began to suck, slipping his head back and forth until all Yifan could do was crumble limply against the doorframe.

“Fuck.” He curled his fingers in harder, his hips began to flick towards the man’s face and all that was left to fall from his mouth were profanities. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

The man pulled away, standing, giving Yifan time to gather himself before opening the door to his bedroom. Yifan followed the other in first, only allowing himself to stare as a shirt was brought over brown hair and dropped to the floor. Jeans were shimmied off in a way Yifan swore he knew, but still, he couldn’t quite place it. He just knew that he loved it.

“Yifan,” the man sang in a way that made Yifan’s head spin, all whilst he crawled across Yifan’s bed, enticing Yifan to follow him. “Come on, come to bed.”

He followed, stumbling over himself to get onto the bed and have his lips on the ones that called him. The man tasted like heaven, a heaven Yifan had been missing for so long. He let his lips open and his tongue draw the other’s into his mouth, tasting himself and toffee.

 

///\\\\\

 

Yifan ran a hand down his face and pulled out his phone, he tapped the home button once and saw his boyfriend’s name. All the notifications had been from the night before, all of them made him feel all the more guilty. He didn’t dare to open them, he dragged himself into his bed and curled up on it. Loathing how it smelt of the sweaty tang of sex.

When he closed his eyes again, more visions flashed before him, he pressed his palms to his eyes and bit into his pillow. He hated that man that only needed to smile at him to have him under his spell.

 

///\\\\\

 

_“You know that smile that Yixing does? The one where his eyes shine?” Yifan asked. “Don’t you just melt when he does it at you?”_

_“No,” Lu Han laughed, he paused the game they were playing. “This is going to sound really gross, but...he only ever does that at you.”_

_“What?”_

_“That smile, it’s the one that’s only for you.”_

 

///\\\\\

 

The man had Yifan pinned, his mouth was dragged across Yifan’s upper body, teeth sank down in temporary marks on Yifan’s collarbones and Yifan’s hands only pulled the man closer. A hand curled around Yifan’s cock, another behind the man’s back, moving in a rhythmic motion and Yifan tried to blink himself back into focus. The man knew exactly how Yifan liked to be touched, how to handle Yifan’s cock as it curled slightly to the left, and it felt like whiplash to his senses.

He had missed being touched like that.

A haze had stuck to his eyes after his fifth drink, smudging everything until it was shrouded almost in gold, which only grew brighter as he looked at the man on top of him.

“You’re beautiful,” he spluttered out prior to moaning, enjoying how the man on him laughed gently.

“Why do you say that?” The man asked, leaving Yifan dumbfounded. “You’re beautiful, too.”

Yifan shook his head, reaching his hands down to tilt the other’s head up and he felt himself crumble inside at the sight of the man smiling up at him. The man took a moment out of laving Yifan with attention and pressed kisses softly to his lips. They were tender, unbelievably loving and Yifan gripped the back of the man’s head, pressing back into the kisses. He felt so at home.

“Are we going to get on with this now? Or do you just want to make out?”

Unsure of how to respond, Yifan nodded his head, and the man momentarily left his side. He reached into Yifan’s bedside drawer and brought out a condom with a small bottle of lube. Yifan laid back in his bed, not flinching when warm hands rolled the condom on over him. He simply wanted to touch the other man, to have their bodies pressed together as soon as they could be.

 

///\\\\\

 

Yifan didn’t know how he was going to tell Yixing what he had done. He knew he was _definitely_ going to confess to his infidelity, he just simply didn’t know how. He didn’t think he could sit and tell Yixing that he had slept with another man, especially when they were so far apart. When Yixing had once told Yifan, in a conversation whispered through the phone, that he trusted Yifan with all his heart, still he feared that Yifan would leave him for someone else.

In that call, Yifan had been quick in his response to tell Yixing that he couldn’t even look at someone else in that way - he may have fleeting attractions, as anyone would, but he would never want any person that wasn’t Yixing. There had been no doubt in his mind. Not a single bit of it.

And yet, Yifan had brought another man - one he had only met in a bar - back to his apartment with him.

A voice told him in the back of his head that he would get everything he deserved. That watching Yixing’s heartbreak and pain would be the punishment - one that didn’t even match up to the severity of his betrayal.

“But, it’s Yixing who doesn’t deserve this,” he told the voice aloud, only to get silence back.

 

///\\\\\

 

The man pressed himself down onto Yifan’s cock, only stifled by the slight lapses in comfort in the action, and Yifan’s legs felt weak. In the months he had spent with just his hand - and maybe another’s voice or photos of that person - to sate his sexual appetite, Yifan’s ability to keep himself grounded under the touch of someone else was nonexistent. It was almost embarrassing how loud his groans were as the man began to swivel and twist his hips just so. Even with the condom on, Yifan felt it with a degree of sensitivity that overwhelmed him. He could not stop himself from alternating between producing sounds that pitched between high keens and low grumbles.

It felt like lights flashed behind his eyes, right in the image-producing part of his brain, and his whole body pulsed with the excitement of it. He thrust back up into the man gently, adding something to the warm circles done on his cock. His palms were on the man’s hip bones, fingers around the fleshy parts to ensure that he was clutching onto the man’s body.

“God, I’ve missed this,” the man said to himself, with Yifan nodding along in hazed out agreement. “It’s not the same with just me.”

Once that had sunk into the air, the man put his hands on Yifan’s chest and brought himself up, right until the head of Yifan’s cock met his rim. And Yifan choked when he descended once again. It was as if heaven had been brought down on top of Yifan’s body. That only repeated itself as the man did it again and again and again. There was no fast pace to it - of which Yifan was thankful - but the slow, sensuality of how the man’s body moved over Yifan’s was a sight to behold. Even with his vision so muddled by the double vision alcohol brought.

Their movements didn’t cease until they had both cum, Yifan into his condom, and the other man down on Yifan’s stomach. And Yifan simply felt sated, like a thirst in him had been quenched after a drought. And it was all Yifan needed to be boneless against the mattress.

The man took Yifan’s condom off and tied it with one knot before he threw it in the bin. Yifan watched it all with drunken curiosity until the man returned back to the bed and got in. They were close together and Yifan knew the man had nestled up to him and he took no effort to change that. It was simply too comfortable in the post-sex heat beneath his duvet, with another person against him, and the heaviness of sleep pulled his eyes down until they shut.

 

///\\\\\

 

The door of Yifan’s apartment being opened felt like a bullet had been put straight through his brain, especially when he heard, “Yifan-ge, are you awake?”

Yixing’s voice was all Yifan had wanted to hear for weeks upon weeks, just not that morning. Not when Yifan’s cheating was so raw on his body and in his mind. Of all days for Yixing to not be hundreds of miles away at his own university, it was that very one. The one where Yifan didn’t want to be seen by the world - didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that he was to blame for ruining the relationship with the person he cared for the most.

“I picked you up some breakfast,” Yixing told him, entering the bedroom. “I got an Americano and some warm all butter croissants. I hope you’re okay with sharing.”

There was only some rustling and a shift in the bed with another person sitting on it, and Yifan’s stomach rolled. Guilt already bit at his fingers and toes. It was wrapped around his tongue, too.

“Were you sick?” Yixing asked as he pulled down Yifan’s duvet just enough to reveal his face, revealing himself in one of Yifan’s caps. “It smells like you had been… And you really don’t look well at all. I thought you weren’t going to be _that_ drunk.”

Yixing put his hands on Yifan’s cheeks and held them, showing Yifan tenderness that he really did not deserve. Yifan could not fathom how he could have done something so terrible to someone who was so selflessly caring.

He started crying before Yixing could even register what was going on. And once Yixing had realised it, he fumbled and held Yifan instantly close.

“Are you okay?” He whispered into Yifan’s ear.

Yifan shook his head.

Yixing pulled back just a little bit.

The words were all jammed up in Yifan’s throat, all of them about some radiant man in a bar that he’d barely even resisted, about how he had done one of the things he’d promised never to. And that there was no excuse either; there was no gun to his head or knife to his throat when it happened, he had been so very willing to give himself to someone who wasn’t his boyfriend. He’d ruined something he absolutely loved and adored with his whole heart for _nothing._

“What’s wrong, Yifan?” Yixing hummed whilst his nose nudged against Yifan’s cheek. “Are feeling _that_ unwell?”

“Xing, I-I,” Yifan stumbled. He didn’t quite know how to get his words back. “I did so-something terrible.”

Yixing froze where he was and tilted his head to the side, “ _Oh?_ Whatever it is, you can tell me, you know I’ll always listen to you.”

That only made Yifan feel worse, knowing exactly how much damage he would cause in how Yixing felt towards him. He could not shake the shameful gravity of what he had done.

“La-last night,” he began and Yixing nodded his head in a way that was to encourage Yifan to say more. Yifan took in a deep breath and everything in his brain tumbled out, “Last night, I brought someone else back here and we had sex, on this bed, right where you’re sat, and I don’t even have a reason why. I just… I just remember thinking they were beautiful and that was it and I’m so sorry that that’s all it took to get me to sway from our relationship. I’ll do anything to make it up to you because you really do mean the world to me and I don’t have any excuses for what I did. I’m so sorry. I’m so unbelievably sorry and I don’t know what else to do…”

Yifan appreciated, somewhat, that Yixing waited until the end of his little ramble to burst into laughter. Not just chuckles or a short giggle, it was body convulsing and stomach clutching laughter. There were no wobbling lips or hurt expressions. Just joy and delight on Yixing’s face. Yifan was confused.

So terribly confused.

Yixing definitely should not have reacted that way when it came to Yifan cheating on him. It simply served to scramble up Yifan’s brain one more time over.

“Wh-why are you laughing?”

“Because that was _me,_ Yifan, you big idiot.” Yixing didn’t even stop laughing as he explained, “You cheated on _me_ with _me._ Such a silly thing you are.”

Yifan’s mouth was hung agape, “But the guy I brought back had brown hair, you definitely have black hair! I saw it in our video call before my game.”

Yixing rolled his eyes and pulled Yifan’s cap off his head, revealing a full head of ashy brown hair, the exact shade the man in Yifan’s memories had.

“I really cannot believe this,” Yixing chortled, “because you called me by my name the whole time we were around your friends and you said my name when you _finished_ last night. Your drunk little brain knew it was me, Yifan.”

Relief took its sweet time in washing over Yifan from head to toe, as soon as it had untangled the churning pile of snakes in his stomach, Yifan brought Yixing within reaching distance to kiss him. Yixing was laughing far too much for him to give it any real effort. And Yifan was still crying, rendering him incapable to do anything other than knock his lips with Yixing’s a few times. Nevertheless, he could easily taste the toffee flavour of Yixing’s mouth.

“You really are an idiot.” Yixing told Yifan once he had caught his breath again. “Cute, caring, honest, but such a big idiot.”


End file.
